I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Watching her eat just hurts me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
