I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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