So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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