hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
