why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Come back. Shots need mouths.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
