Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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