I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
