some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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