PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well I just put wine in my tea
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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