We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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