I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I FOUND THE LEGS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
