I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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