wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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