her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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