Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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