I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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