She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
