What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
