What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
