I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
