her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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