Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
