I am full of burrito and curiosity
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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