I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
