You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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