There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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