Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
