I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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