He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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