I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
