Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
