Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize