i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We got so high we made milksteak
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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