i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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