i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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