me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
