we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
