accomplished twins. life is a go
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
