just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
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It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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