took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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