we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize