the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
These tits shall not be calmed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
