Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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