well I can't set my house on fire every night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
