I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
