Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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