Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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