i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
