Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
