i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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