the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
