Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
