I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
