Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
