I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
