I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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