You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
