too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
